This is Halloween!

Well, technically only in a few hours! But the fun can start now!

Sadly I live in a country where Halloween isn't exactly celebrated... only recently kids started going out trick or treating. We do, however, watch horror movies.

So, in case you need a little list of good movies for the night in question, here you go, my...:

5 Essential Halloween Movies:

5. Scream

It's the typical teenage horror film. It's still as scary as it was back then, and guaranteed fun.

4. Trick r' Treat

Watched this one with Viv and it was a breath of fresh air in terms of Horror movies. If you think most of the ones released in the past 10 years lack something, this one will restore all your faith in the Horror genre. AND it's all about Halloween (it may or may not be implied in the title).

3. Sleepy Hollow

Tim Burton, Johnny Depp and Christina Ricci. That's enough reason right there to watch it. Oh, and Headless Horseman, anyone?

2. The Addams Family

One of my all-time favourites. Everyone knows them so it spares me explaining what it's about. It makes me miss Raul Julia like.... I can't even. Again, Christina Ricci (can't help it, she is lovely and creepy at the same time. Win, win.). You might spend weeks screaming CARA MIA randomly and calling everyone "mon amour". And the soundtrack... takes years.... in... your... head. Bliss.

1. The Nightmare Before Christmas

This is my inner child calling. Watch this (I doubt you haven't) and fall in love with Tim Burton forever. It's a mix between Halloween and Christmas. Not particularly scary (maybe for children), but a true Halloween movie.

I hate baseball!

No Fringe until the 4th of November! Very, very sad child typing, right now!

This gif makes me feel warm inside!

Schlemile, Schlemozzle, Hausenfeffer Incorporated...

Wow, it's been a long time! I haven't had much time to come in here lately. I have missed it, it's so much fun to come in here and go on about things that only matter to me....and maybe Jo....sometimes. The other night I came home and my darling gay husband was watching my Laverne & Shirley DVDs (yes he's very gay!), which started a lengthy discussion on comedy teams through the years.

Now I suppose when talking about comedy teams, especially in America, everyone would expect to find Lucy and Ethel or Mary and Rhoda or those guys from The Honeymooners, but none of them made my list. I do agree that Lucy and Ethel were absolute legends and trail blazer and all that good stuff but the truth is, much as I can appreciate them, I don't have a huge connection with them. I didn't grow up watching them and therefor I have no real, or nostalgic, attachment to them. As for Mary and Rhoda, I love Rhoda, absolutely LOVE Rhoda....Mary annoys the snot out of me. I actually like Rhoda's solo show much more than The Mary Tyler Moore show, sorry kids...I have a feeling some of my gays will back me up on that one. And The Honeymooners...well I can't even remember their character's names, I thinks that says it all.

So, my point is that, my list is composed of the comedy duos that have played a huge part in my life, the ones that have made me laugh till I cry and have inspired me. Some I grew up with and some I discovered as an adult, and other's are relatively new, but all are a gift from the little baby Jesus and the big hairy one too! So without any more ado here are my....

FIVE ESSENTIAL COMEDY TEAMS

1. Laverne & Shirley (Penny Marshall & Cindy Williams)

They are responsible for my life long love of comedy. When I was a kid I lived for Tuesday nights! They were silly and childlike and cool and crazy and all together hilarious! Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams had such amazing chemistry, watching them is like watching two really great dancers. I do have to make a mention of another amazing duo that added so much to this show, Lenny and Squiggy. They were the greatest compliment to the girls, Squiggy in particular is a brilliant creation. i know this show was loathed by critics and snobs, but if you want to laugh out load go and watch some....may i suggest the one where they work in the diner? Betty please...

2. Eddie & Patsy (Jennifer Saunders & Joanna Lumley)

Where to begin!!?? These are, in my humble opinion, the greatest TV characters ever created. I guess I will begin with Jennifer Saunder's ridunkulously brilliant wonderfully twisted mind. Not only did she create two of the most iconic characters of our time but she wrote some of the sharpest, fastest, wittiest, most subversive lines in television history! can you tell how much I love this show? And if all that wasn't enough she cast Joanna Lumley in the part of a lifetime. What she does with Patsy is....what I can I call it?...I would call it "art" but I think both Jennifer and Joanna would throw up in their mouths a little. I guess I'll just say that I can't imagine anyone else ever able of re-creating those roles....and I AM talking to YOU America! So stop fucking trying!!

3. French & Saunders (Dawn French & Jennifer Saunders)

Greatest comedy double act that has ever been. I think what makes them so brilliant is that their comedy seem almost effortless. Watching them, you feel like you are just watching a couple of friends trying to make each other laugh, and in the process they make you pee your pants. Seeing them live on stage was on of the greatest moments of my life. It's hard to describe what makes them so funny, so I guess you'll just have to watch!

4. Ade Edmondosn & Rik Mayall

The wild boys! From the INSANE Dangerous Brothers, you MUST watch the one where Adrian is set on fire! Like for real, he was ON FIRE! It's very scary for a second and then HILARIOUS. To the most awesome The Young Ones, by the way...Vyvyan Basterd was smoking hot...so very hot...hot hot hot...but I digress, to Bottom, they are absolute madcap wild boy hilarity. And did I mention Ade' bum? I didn't? Well I will....soon

5. Liz Lemon & Jack Donaghy (Tina Fey & Alec Baldwin)

This show is without a doubt the best written comedy we have had on American TV in the last 20 years. Alec Baldwin is nothing short of genius and any scene between him and Tina Fey is always a home run. The relationship these two characters have is so different from your typical TV "friendship". They are best friends and worst enemies all wrapped up in a comedy tortilla! If you haven't watch this show then..well, I feel sad for you...very very sad!

Clap Your Hands If You're Workin' Too hard

The Ting Tings mania is about to hit a new high in my house...

L'Autunno

I just freakin' love it!

LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!

The 5 Best Things (IMHO) About Autumn

• The Colours

Red, Gold, Yellow, Orange, Brown.

Their initials spell RGYOB, which, quite frankly, doesn't mean anything, but if I make up a new language just now, it means BLISS!

• The Smells

Come on, who doesn't love to wake up to that smell of rain?

Not to mention the smells coming from bakeries (IT'S PIE TIME! ARE YOU EXCITED?! I'M EXCITED! ARE YOU? I AM! YEAH! WOOO!) and people randomly roasting chestnuts in the streets.

• The Food

Roasted Chestnuts. Pies. Grapes. Sweets. Churros. Those mountains of joyful sin you find at fairs, that melt your teeth immediately after contact (e.g. candy apples; cotton candy).

Oh and creative coffee drinks. And Hot Chocolate.

I should stop here, I think I just got a hole in my stomach.

• The Weather

Cold, but not freezing, breezy, but nothing that will have your toupée flying off your head. Just perfect!

• Halloween

An excuse to dress up and behave like children? BRING IT!

Perez Hilton

Now here's one filled with anger.

I despise Perez Hilton. Proper hatred. If I had a voodoo doll he'd be so pricked by now, he'd be in a cottage pie *shout out to Viv's gay husband*.

I'm not going to dwell on descriptions of the intense disgust I feel towards this guy, so I'll just pick the...

5 Things That Annoy Me About Mário Lavandeira

• It Gets Better

This is the most recent of the lot. So now he makes up this slogan for young gays who are being bullied. This could be such a lovely message to all those youngsters considering suicide due to their sexuality... but it isn't because it comes from this cock. This is the guy saying bullying towards the gay community is WRONG when he does it on a daily basis. He outs "celebrities" all the time, harassing them until they do. Coming out is something that takes time, depending on the person. It's a sort of personal journey someone needs to go through until they feel it's the right time to come out and say who they really are. It should be done in their own time, and this arsehole ruins everything for them. This is bullying. Perez is a bully. The "It gets better" message comes dipped in hypocrisy and it's revolting to see how this twat doesn't open his eyes and look at how much of a sad excuse for a human being he really is.

• Lady Gaga

Let's just throw the following question out there:

Exactly how many people liked Lady Gaga until Perez relentlessly shoved her down our throats every day of the week for the past year?

Yeah.

He finds her tacky, tasteless "art" inspiring. Sadly for him, not everyone thinks the same way.

• DADT

Perez Hilton and Lady Gaga do NOT have ANY credibility to even think about politics, let alone interfere. Let's just leave it at that.

It would be great to stop the Don't Ask, Don't Tell business, but please... just stick to being tacky, that's what you're good at. They probably even made it worse for those who would benefit with the change of the DADT law.

• Role Model

I don't even know how to begin processing the fact he got into his mind that somehow he is a rolemodel for the homosexual community. I really pity this man. He really has no idea how many people despise him the same way I do. NO idea.

• Overall arseholiness

Lusting over tweens who are still under 18 is wrong (especially for someone who is SO against paedophilia).

Calling a 16 year old Slutty and posting pictures of her crotch SHOULD have thrown him to jail.

Being a spokesperson for the gay community and then calling someone a "faggot" (they're meatballs, by the way) is just stupid and of great levels of twattiness.

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

Let's just leave it at that for the sake of my sanity.

BOO!

We have a spunky, brand new Halloween layout, which will stay up for the whole of October!

The Truth Is Out There.....Well At Least It Used To Be

I felt after Jo's wonderful Fringe post that an X-Files one was mandatory. I was fairly recently introduced to Fringe (by Jojo of course!) and as I became more and more involved with every episode I couldn't help but flashback to when I discovered the X-Files. There are a lot of very obvious similarities between them, both are about obscure FBI divisions that deal with very odd cases, there is the whole government conspiracy factor and of course the "will they/won't they" issue...although Fringe took care of that one very quickly as Olivia and Peter have already kissed and will most likely be together if Olivia (and her incredibly inappropriate for an FBI agent hair!) ever gets back to the correct universe!

Fringe is most definitely taking up where the X-Files left off. Anyone that was around in the early nineties can tell you it's impossible to watch Fringe without thinking about the X-Files. I know for the younger kids (yes that is directed at you Jo!) one has nothing to do with the other but trust me there would be No Fringe if the X-files had not so brilliantly and successfully blurred the lines between sci-fi and well...just sci! The characters of Mulder and Scully, the believer and the skeptic, the spooky alien lover and the scientist could not have been more engaging...and TALK ABOUT CHEMISTRY!

Okay, so now that I mentioned chemistry I must vent a little. There is no denying that a big part of the show's mass appeal was the sexual tension between Dana Scully and Fox Mulder, sure we all tuned in to find out what the Cigarette Smoking Man was up to or to see if this week would be the week Mulder found out what really happened to his sister Samantha...but deep down we all knew the REAL reason was to see if this week would be the week that Mulder and Scully would finally drop their damn flashlights and do the horizontal hokie pokey! Well kids (spoiler alert), they royally screwed the pooch on that one! I won't ruin the CRAP ending just in case anyone wants to go back and watch the entire run...but it still makes me want to kick Chris Carter in the Jujubees! GGRRRRRRRRR

Sorry about that...letting go of the anger....there, all better. ANYwhoooooo, where was I? Oh right, I was about to pick my five essential X-Files episodes! I'm sure it will seem odd to the X-filelites (I am fairly sure I just made that word up) that my 5 essentials have NOTHING to do with the "mythology" of the show, but honestly I never cared much about the little green men...I was in it for the Duchovny! All my favorite episodes are ones that can be watched without any knowledge of the actual conspiracy, I mostly loved the episodes where they broke from the mold and tried new stuff....which most often than not was hilarious stuff!

5 Essential X-Files episodes

1. The Host (Series 2)

The human fluke worm!! This one is guaranteed to make you go into a fetal position at least ONCE! That was one scary little bastard! Can you imagine a HUMAN sized parasite that attaches to you with these little sharp teeth and inserts it's little parasite embryos inside your body!? I don't even want to tell you HOW they came out! I need a hug...

2. Home (Series 4)

Okay, this one is just...It was so disturbing it was only aired ONCE on American television. I think it is the quintessential X-files episode! It has it all, creepiness, horrific violence, dead deformed babies, incest AND some nice little touches of humor! Not every show can balance all these things so skillfully! Tell me, when was the last time a show about inbreeding and incest made you chuckle?

3. Bad Blood (Series 5)

The funniest episode EVER! Very cleverly done in the two different POV's. The story is told by both Mulder and Scully and their versions are very different and very , very funny! Mulder and Scully have to re-cap the events that lead to Mulder pounding a wooden stake through a seemingly innocent teen's heart. This episode really showcases how ridiculously funny both David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson can be. Must see!

4. Post-Modern Prometheus (Series 5)

This is actually a very sweet and lovely episode. Shot in gorgeous black and white, it's their homage to the classic horror film. The agents are called in to investigate the mysterious impregnation of formerly sterile women by what seems to be a peanut butter eating, Cher loving monster. It's very clever and very funny, and the ending is actually quite heartwarming.

5. X-cops (Series 7)

This episode is filmed as a COPS show. I guess Fox figured it would be a good crossover. It is HILARIOUS! All shot with that annoying, shaky, hand held cam and in real time. The story is that a cop , who at the time had a COPS camera crew riding with him, encounters some sort of monster and so our Spooky Mulder is called in. Throughout the show the "monster's" description changes from a Werewolf, to a pimp, to Freddy Krueger! The story-line is really cool and Scully's reactions to the camera shoved in her face are piss your pants funny! I miss this show so much :(

Weird & Mysterious Events

... that threaten the United States and its residency. That's Fringe, y'all!

You've probably heard about it. Forget Bones, House, Desperate Housewives, CSI and Jersey Shore. This is way, WAAAAAAAAAAY cooler!

If you like science and enjoy some mind blowing theories, you need to watch this! I'm not saying anymore about it, because Fringe is something you need to watch to understand why one is so hyped about it.

Season 3 premiere was just a couple of nights ago, and it was pretty amazing. Just when you thought they had topped themselves. And that was an episode that had far too little of my favourite characters, that's how good it is.

And talking about fav characters... I'll pick my:

Top 5 Fringe Characters

• 5. David Robert Jones

He is what we would call a terrorist, considering he is a sort of leading follower of the ZFT (a kind of bible of science, could this get any nerdier?!) and he uses it to spread terror. But his ease and playing around with the FBI and calm british ways makes you love him from the first moment you see him. AND he is played by Jared Incredibly Underrated Harris.

• 4. Walternate

I have a thing for villains. This one is EPIC! Imagine the most powerful man in the world, with the biggest brains ever imagined and an appetite for destruction of, not a building, not a city, not a country, not even a planet... THE WHOLE UNIVERSE! The best thing about him? He's not really a villain. He has his reasons to do what he's doing.

• 3. Peter Bishop

Joshua Jackson. Nuff said.

• 2. Walter Bishop

John Noble is incredible as this completely loony scientist. He should have won every single award for the 2nd season of Fringe. He deserved it. He deserved it more than anyone who has ever won any award, EVER!

Walter's completely unaware of social behaviour (he WAS incarcerated in a Mental Institution for 17 years, after all) and has the best food cravings. He eats red vines while performing autopsies. He gets high on afghani kush hybrids and pops the old Yes album on. He is ADORABLE (and occasionally scary).

It's incredible to see John Noble change between Walter and Walternate. The man needs roses thrown at him.

• 1. Nina Sharp

This cunning COO of Massive Dynamic (Biggest company in the whole world. From mobile phones to Universe hopping elevators, with a quick stop at mind control devices... just your regular every day company, obviously.) is SO ambiguous you're never sure if she's a goodie or a baddie. She's goodie at what she does, that's for sure. Nina Sharp is all cool, all knowing and a bit of a slut (she's had Walter, Agent Broyles, in which their scene together was my first introduction to the term Jungle Fever, thanks Viv... AND William Bell, CEO of MD). And she lost an arm in an Alternate Universe. No joke. No biggie, she replaced it with a robotic arm, all's cool.

Oh and she's BLAIR FUCKING BROWN!!

Eeeeeeeeeeekkk!!!!

I know some people like to believe that every little creature has a purpose and a reason to exist, and I respect their opinion but do they have to exist in MY fucking apartment?! I don't go outside and bother them, as a matter of fact I AVOID the outdoors as much as I can, don't I deserve the same courtesy from these little cunts?! Tonight I have had to contend with a Japanese movie sized house centipede (if you've never seen one, please google it..they are repulsive little buggers!) a spider the size of a small sumo wrestler AND a freaking cockroach! I don't enjoy killing things, I actually DETEST killing things but what are my options? To ask them to split the rent and groceries? And then there's the added aggravation of my damn cat! I adore my cat but aren't cats supposed to kill things instinctively? Not my Frasier! I apparently got stuck with the only Buddhist cat in the Western hemisphere! He sits there watching them as they crawl around and then looks up at me as if to say "You gonna do something about this?" I'm sorry, I just needed to vent. It has been a trying evening. All I wanted to do was try and get some sleep when suddenly the parade of creatures began, like the fucking opening scene from the bloody Lion King...had it been directed by Satan! Or Fellini! It's alright, I suppose I will have to get used to it..just another one of the ENDLESS joys of living in the south!

Arse Kickage

This girl does it with a guitar and vibrato!

excusez pour la poor sound quality.

Come On Get Happy!

For some reason today, perhaps the huge amounts of Benadryl I'm on, I started thinking about how just a simple song can make me so happy. It's odd how a song can sometimes pull you out of the deepest hole (that's a metaphorical hole I'm talking about , you dirty birdies!). I am usually drawn to dark and tragic songs, for the most part, but every once in a while a song comes along that is stronger than my deep and passionate love of misery. So, today at work I started a list of such songs. It was either that or, you know, work...and who the hell wants to do that!?

Originally I wanted to keep with the whole "5 Essential" motif, but in this case there was no way to just pick five...sorry Jo. Now, I must warn you, this list is a really weird mix of styles and eras. In one of his books (can't remember which one right now because...well, the vasts amounts of Benadryl) Chuck Klosterman wrote that he believes that people who like all kinds of music styles don't really love music. Much as I love him (and want to marry and have his nerdy, bespectacled babies) I disagree completely with his view. I think if you are lucky enough to be a person that has a visceral, involuntary emotional reaction to music, you don't pick what genre it is...you just feel! Wow, that was me trying to be deep, I promise it won't happen again. So here they are, my....

Essential 10- Happy Songs!

1. Come on Eileen (Dexy's Midnight Runners)

Shall we start with the cheese platter? Why not! I know this song is a big hunk of unpasteurized cheese but I can't help it. I love it! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it takes me right back to my childhood, maybe it's the thought of those scruffy lads in their overalls which as a child I imagined was what everyone in England looked like,or maybe it's the fact that I don't think there are more than three people in the world that can actually sing all the words, whatever it is, it works!

2.. Chelsea Morning (Joni Mitchell)

This song could bring you out of a catatonic depression! It has some of the loveliest imagery that you have ever heard...plus for someone like me, someone who is deeply and helplessly in love with England it's like mainlining a ray of sunshine! "Oh won't you stay,we'll put on the day and we'll wear it 'till the night comes" Yes Joni...I'll stay!

3. Combination of the Two (Big Brother & the Holding Company /aka The band that Janis Joplin used to sing with)

This song is just infectious and fun. To this day I have no idea what the hell this song is about and I don't care! Just give me some more of that Janis whaling and I'm a happy camper!

4. Buckets of Rain (Bob Dylan)

"Buckets of moonbeams in my hands, you got all the lovin' honey baby I can stand" Need I say more? Most beautiful love song ever!

5. Just Like Heaven (The Cure)

I love this band to an almost illegal degree. They are not known for being a happy-go-lucky gang, but this song fills you up with joy and makes you want to spin around in place like a kid! And there's the small fact that Robert Smith is SEX!

6. The Village Green Preservation Society (Kate Rusby's version)

This song is not only lovely and warm but her voice is so beautiful she could sing the phone book and still make me smile. Whenever I hear the opening chords I get a little thrill...love it so much it hurts my heart.

7. Enchanted (Stevie Nicks)

I could write a list of JUST Stevie Nicks songs that I love (Hmm..perhaps I will) Her music is usually a lot darker and mysterious but this is a light hearted, toe tapping, scarf twirling ditty if I ever heard one!

8. Tennessee Homesick Blues (Dolly Parton)

I don't care who you are or where you come from, this song will make you want to move to a shack in the Appalachian mountains and sleep in a bed with twelve of your siblings!

9. Dreaming (Blondie)

It was extremely hard to pick just one Blondie song. There are SO many that make me want to strap on some boot skates and go to the roller-disco (Damn I'm fucking old!) But I had to go with this one above all the others. Some of the greatest lyrics, and Debbie is just the coolest rock bitch that has ever lived!

10. Long Time Ago (Concrete Blonde)

Not only does this song ROCK, and Johnnette Napolitano has a kick ass voice, these lyrics are hilarious and sooooo fun to sing along to! Sure to make you get up and thrash about the room as you sing at the top of your lungs.

If you haven't heard these you MUST! I 'm now thinking of about 30 more songs I could add but I'll leave that for the sequel ;)

Hello! How Are You?! Life is a Cabaret!

Well, tonight Jo and I ended up talking about one of my favorite (that's favourite to you my darling Brits!) subjects, musicals! I know they are not for everyone, but for me they are just like a warm hug from the sweet baby Jesus (that's pronounced Hey-Zuz). Now, I need to specify that when I say musicals I am NOT talking about films that have music worked into them, like say The Rose or A Star is Born. These films may be grouped into the "musicals" category but to me they are films about singers..totally different animal. By musicals I am referring to the proper, people breaking into song mid sentence, children in clothes made from old window curtains frolicking and singing through the streets of Austria with a saucy nun type of film! I am talking about the kind of film that taught us young girls that if we were ever to get the boy we had to shed our goody two shoes and squeeze into some leather pants and of course..put out! And of course the very important lesson that was, stay out of gang fights..unless you are a REALLY good dancer! So now, Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs,Ladies and Gentlemen..willkommen to.....

Essential 5 Musical Films

The Sound of Music (1965)

This film is such a big part of my childhood, I feel like the Von Trapps are my distant cousins! I still watch this at LEAST once a year and still sing along and it never fails to make me feel like a little girl. Although, I have to say that part when the nuns are all singing "How do you solve a problem like Maria" during Maria's and the Captain's wedding is terribly rude! I do wish she would have flipped them all off and told them to suck her now rich ass..but I digress...where was I? Oh right... Dame Julie Andrews, need I say more?

Cabaret (1972)

Bob Fosse is a god of mine and this is his masterpiece. Liza in her prime, before she..ummm...what DID happen to her? Aside from the buckets of cocaine and booze that is....what happened?! ANYway....so dark and sleazy and sexy in a disturbing way, this film is a gem even if you DON'T like musicals. Oscars all around darlink!

Grease (1978)

I remember when this film came out, me and my cousin made our moms take us to the cinema EVERY Sunday until it stopped playing! I was only 7 when this came out and I lost my cocking mind from the second Frankie Valli began singing the theme song. I do have to say that, even though I adored Miss Newton-John and may still have a few of her Cd's(don't judge! it's a judgement free zone here!) my goal in life was to grow up and become Rizzo! Stockard Channing is absolute perfection every second in this film! I spent many hours in front of my mirror practicing my delivery of " 'cuz he sounds like a draaaag"

West Side Story (1961)

Before I go into how wonderful this film is, as a Puertorrican, I have to point out there was all but ONE real 'rrican in that entire cast. That being said, I adore this film in all it's terribly racist glory! I do love that there was a time when we were so innocent we didn't question Natalie Wood in some dark pancake make-up as a Hispanic. It was a sweeter time, kinder, dumber time. The music and choreography is amazing and Rita Moreno Kicked ASS! Bernardo was a cutie as well! Wouldn't this be a better world if gangs fought out turf wars by dancing? Maybe not :\

Funny Girl (1968)

My first childhood memory was of me standing on a chair at the movies with my mom, watching this film. I wasn't born when it came out but at some point in my early childhood it must have played somewhere. I remember VIVIDLY the scene where Babs is dressed like a swan and is prancing around onstage with all the ballet dancers. It was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen. I was in love for life. The music...oh the wonderful music! Every song in this film is a show stopper and Barbra is as good as Barbra could be. I can recite every single line of this film and I still sob like a wounded Gila monster when she sings "My Man" at the end..oh Nicky Arnstein, Nicky Arnstein!!

London Calling

I was going through my mobile phone gallery, when I found some lovely photos taken in London last month. There's no place like London, I can tell you. You barely hear any English, and when you do, you can't understand it.

So I'm using this as an excuse to write my...

Essential 5 London Spots

• Covent Garden

It's beyond gorgeous. There's a beautiful string quarter playing all the time and there's antique markets all over. There are also lots of shops, including David & Goliath and the weirdest sweets shop you will come across, with edible insects and bacon and wasabi bubblegum, and absinthe drops and margarita lollipops.

• Chinatown

Get lost in the many similar streets, go buy weird delicacies and fill your bellies for £6.

• West End

Autograph hunting, anyone? With the many theatres around, you might even find a play you want to see.

• Portobello Road Market

More antiques. It's a long, long market, but you'll find cheap stuff everywhere. Posters shops rock many, many socks. There's everything there.

• Denmark Street (Soho)

If you need an musical instrument, no matter how exotic it may be, here's the place to find it. It's music shop after music shop, and their wallpapers are made of guitars.

Thank You For The Music :)

So, as Jo pointed out....WE GOT A MESSAGE FROM JENNIFER SAUNDERS!!!!! Yes THAT Jennifer Saunders!! The Comedy Goddess! The Queen of All Things!! The Keeper of the Adebum!! Okay...I'm okay...just breathing into my brown paper bag...there..all better! I am so THRILLED that not only she received our messages but that she obviously could see they really came from the heart (see what I did then? Yes the Viv Vyle reference is on purpose) I am also EXTREMELY thrilled that she is back with a butt load of new projects! Even if one of them involves the Spice Girls :\

I did NOT grow up with the Spiceys like Jo (and Jen's children) did. I won't lie and say I ever listened to them either...I could MAYBE name 2 of their songs. HOWEVER, I DID run to the cinema to watch their film just to see Jennifer Saunders (and the always delicious Alan Cumming) in it. I know if ANYONE could write a piss your pants take on the whole celebrity culture is Mrs.E..actually she has already done it in many varied forms. Also as she has mentioned, the Spice Girls were such a huge part of her daughters lives and hers that she has the emotional attachment needed to make sure this works. Not only that, music has always played such a big part in Jennifer Saunders writing that it was just a matter of time before she gave in and wrote a proper musical. I will be there for opening night (or as close as possible) if I have to chop my bloody foot off I WILL BE THERE!!

Unlike Jojo I will not be choosing my 5 essential Spice Girls songs as it would be hard for me to name more than 2 , as i already explained. Basically my 5 would go something like this:

1. First song Mrs Saunders decides to use in show
2 Second song Mrs Saunders decides to use in show
3 Third song....get the picture?

Instead I think I will go with my favorite Jennifer Saunders musical moments..which will be quite challenging! The choosing only 5 part that is...

Essential 5 Jennifer Saunders musical moments

Holding Out For a Hero (Shrek 2)

Well D'uh!! That has to be the first one! Her voice is AMAZING in this! And I will never forget the gay gasp that resounded in the cinema (I saw this in NYC at night with a gaggle of gays!) only followed by someone shouting out "DIVA" and then an explosion of applause! She ROCKED it...hard! BRING THE FAIRY GODMOTHER BACK YOU BASTARDS!!

Thank You For The Music (Still Alive)

I still can't listen to this song without crying! That was such a great choice to end their last live show, I think it expressed what they felt and what we felt too. I will never forget that last night in London, the last show, when the second they started to sign we all just broke down in tears like idiots! It was amazing!

Islands In The Stream (The Life and Times of Vivienne Vyle)

This was just inspired!! Such a funny, sweet, cute little moment between Viv and Jared. Not only is the song awesome, in that short little moment we (as in we the viewers) understood exactly why they had married each other. That show was so fantastic and the writing and acting was beyond brilliant. So dark and sometimes hard to watch and yet with those little tender, touching moments. The woman is a genius. BRING VIV VYLE BACK YOU BASTARDS!!

Bird On The Wire (Absolutely Fabulous)

When Edina breaks into this song mid rant, sweet baby jesus I almost die laughing. It has to be one of television's funniest and most unexpected moments. Absolutely Fabulous sweetie! (see what i did there?)

The Hissing of Summer Lawns (Absolutely Fabulous)

I had to leave the best for last. I can identify THIS as the specific second I feel in love with Jennifer Saunders and her mind! I am a psychotic lover of Joni Mitchell (you will see in the near future I can guarantee it!) and I remember watching this episode and the second Edina makes that over dramatic comment about walking into the "squinting sun" I instinctively thought of the song and as I sang the lyric in my brain in comes Patsy singing "and the hissing of summer lawns" I know some people talk about having religious experiences that change their lives, this was mine!

I can not go without mentioning a couple that didn't make the cut...so here are some Honorable Mentions

History Repeating (Vivienne Vyle)

Shirley Bassey should send Jennifer a basket of muffins!

My Favourite Things (Girls On Top)

Jennifer's comfort song....and when she breaks into it after hearing her flatmate is dead...well it makes me pee out my ears!

Spice Up Your Life!

Today has been crazy. KERRAZY!

Viv and I (and a bunch of other people) are jolly excited about a message Jennifer Saunders... let me tell you that again...

JENNIFER SAUNDERS

... sent to us peeps in the Fan Forum. It was a lovely thank you note about the support messages we sent her after we heard she had been ill with breast cancer, but had finished her treatment and is now recovering.

I AM STILL BUZZIN'! *claps tardedly*

Anyway, anyway, anyway,

one of Ms. Saunders' new projects is a musical, Mamma Mia style, but with Spice Girls songs.

Have I mentioned I grew up in the 90's? And that I was about 8 when the Spice Girls showed up? Yeah. Mega fan! Although I'm a bit more excited about Jennifer writing it.

The show will be called Viva Forever and it's about a mother/daughter relationship and the contemporary obsession with instant celebrity. Perfection! There's no one better than Jennifer to write about that, and it helps that her children (3 daughters, christ, where did she get the time?!) were also Spicey fans, so we know the show is in good hands!

Excited?! Don't ask!

I'm going to take the chance and write my

Essential 5 Spice Girls songs

and hope they're included in the show!

Wannabe (Spice 1996)

Like, duh! It's like, the Spice Girls' first single... like... EVERYONE KNOWS THIS!

This song was the beginning of the phenomena. The moment children around the world saw the videoclip there was no turning back. Zig-a-zig-aaaaaaaaah!

Viva Forever (Spiceworld 1997)

I can't hear this song without shedding a tear or two. It's a reminiscing song about how good love was, once. Yeah. Hurts a bit. Oh and it was the last single they released in the original line-up. They've reformed since, but it wasn't the same. The wound hasn't fully healed yet.

Goodbye (Forever 2000)

About Geri, no doubt. She had left the group in 1998 and it all spiralled down. It's a beautiful song, nonetheless. Look for the rainbow in every storm...

2 Become 1 (Spice 1996)

This is so cheesy even I cringe a bit when I read the lyrics. But it's good quiet pop, so if you manage to block out what they are actually saying and just hear them sing, life's good.

Be a little bit wiser baby, put it on, put it on

`Cause tonight is the night when two become one

Oh lord...

Too Much (Spiceworld 1997)

More quiet pop. Taught me a lesson:

Too much of something is bad enough

Too much of nothing is just as tough

I still have no idea what the fuck they're on about though.

Oh! And if something possesses you and you decide to watch that cinematic gem that is Spice World, Jennifer Saunders is in it for a brief moment.

I Agree with the Issue!

Reading Jo's post I have to say I agree! It's been ages since i watched a horror film that was truly satisfying. There have been some small rays of light, like Rob Zombie's House of 1,000 Corpses and the very recent Trick 'r Treat (which I'm sure Jo will tell you ALL about soon enough!)and the very beautiful Let the Right One In, but mostly it's been years of re-hashed crap! So, following Jo's footsteps I too have chosen my 5 essentials.


The Exorcist(1973)

This is in my opinion a nearly perfect film in every way. To this day it terrifies me to the core. The story is amazing and the acting could not be better, Ellen Burstyn is superb! This story is both chilling and heartbreaking, the mother losing her daughter and the son losing a mother..oh yeah and then there's Satan! Does not get much better than this kids! Man, just looking at this picture in the corner makes my butt clench...

Rosemary's Baby(1968)

This film scared me so much as a kid that when I lived in New York I would always get the willies up me when walking past the Dakota building. I think when I first saw it as a young lassie, what scared me was the whole "having the devil's child" thing, but watching it as an adult I find the scariest part is the betrayal. Rosemary was sold to the devil by her HUSBAND! Can you imagine?! The person you love and trust completely pimps you out to Satan for a fucking role in a show?! Never marry an actor children! And Ruth Gordon in this, she is worth the price of admission! And by the way, I feel I should mention that Polanski originally wanted Jane Fonda for the part, much as I love The Fonda I can't imagine anyone but Mia Farrow in this role. If you haven't seen this run out and get it!

The Omen(1976)

Okay, so I'm sacred of devil children..blame it on 12 years of catholic school! The first time I watched this film I had to sleep in my mom's room! That little boy was so beautiful and soooooo creepy! Again, AMAZING actors and amazing plot! They don't make them like this anymore, they try and re-make them but that's just like pouring a big steaming crock pot of runny poo on the originals! Just say NO to all these crap re-makes!

Halloween(1978)

This is to me, the greatest slasher film ever made. Mike Myers can kick Jason and Freddy Krugger ass with his knife tied behind his back! This is a MUST watch every year on Halloween night, it's everything a slasher film should be! Scary killer on the loose, teenagers getting drunk and laid and disemboweled AND Miss Jamie Lee Curtis! Come on, this is good times for all!

Nosferatu(1922)

This is the anti-Twilight! Kids today seem to find glittering emo vampires acceptable, well NOT on my watch captain! When I was a kid nothing inspired more fear in me than the name Dracula, as it SHOULD be! Even though for legal reason the Vampire in Nosferatu was named Count Orlok, we all know he really is Dracula...and so did Bram Stoker's widow who fought to get this film destroyed but ironically enough..it would not die! The fact that it is a silent film might put a lot of people off but give it a go and you will be pleasantly surprised. This is the scariest looking vampire in vampire film history, no one has ever created a more vile looking creature. By the way, the film Shadow Of The Vampire is a fictionalized account of the making of this film and it is a wonderful movie in it's own right! Willem Dafoe is amazing!

Oh stop, it's ghastly!

Now, I'm a big, big fan of the horror genre, and Viv and I have been watching some films together for almost a year now... but the sad conclusion is that you just can not help noticing a distinct pattern of either repulsively badly scripted or acted flicks.

Is this a norm of modern horror? Gore, gore, gore and no substance?

Although gore is beautiful, what's important and should be the main focus of the movie is the plot and the acting. I've come across a few gems *cough*DriveThru*cough* in which the acting was so bad I nearly begged the killer to take me next and plots so ridiculous (Final Destination, anyone?) that you start wondering why the heck you thought it was a good idea to give the film a go.

And if the movie looks promising in the beginning, that's not the end of your worries. Sometimes you may come across good films with rather unsatisfying endings.

Since last night we've watched two movies that got the script and acting right, but ended up being boring and lacked the answers we wanted to find (for the curious, the movies I'm talking about are The House of the Devil and The Echo, both released in 2009).

Unsatisfied really is the word to describe this new phase.

So, for those who are looking for a few films to watch, here are my

*trumpets*

Essential 5 Horror Movies:

Jaws (1975)

The original shark film. 90's kids, like me, can overlook the bad special effects in this one because it's THAT good. And let's face it, it's not easy to get back into the ocean without therapy. I was 4 when I watched Jaws and Jaws IV, and it wasn't pretty. I had nightmares for months.

Scream (1996)

"Hello, Sidney!" is enough to have me looking over my shoulder and crapping my pants. It's a teen movie but it's really good. I guess it paved the way to modern Horror, but somewhere along the highway someone missed a turn.

Alien (1979)

*shudder*

Saw (2004)

It's shocking, it's interesting, it's gory, it makes you scream for mummy! Not recommended to scaredy-cats.

The Shining (1980)

You will never be able to sit straight when watching another Jack Nicholson movie, ever again.

A Mother's Pain!

OH THE HEARTBREAK!!! Just need to share with the world that my cyber-daughter Jo, has just ripped my heart out and stomped on it!! You always hear about this sort of behavior but you always think "not MY kid!" Well, today...without any regard for my feelings... Jo has admitted to me...NO, she has SHOWN me the evidence that...how do I say this out loud??!! I guess the first step to dealing with these things is to just admit them and saying it out loud is a step towards healing. So, here it goes...Jo has just shown me her colection of JLo cd's!!!!!! It's okay, pain is good...pain is healthy...we can now talk about it and begin to build a bridge (wasn't it The Judds who sang that? Or something close to that. Hey mother and daughter!). I won't fool myself and think things can ever be the same, but maybe we can find a way to survive this and come out closer and stronger. Wow, I guess sharing does help..I do feel better now that it's out in the open. I wonder if there is a support group for this kind of thing somewhere....

Hai!

We are the people who hate everything and everyone with the exception of the very few things we love.

SO... we guess this is what this blog will be about (those things and the people we love)... and often sometimes about people we hate. You just know there will be a scathing post about Catherine Zeta Jones*, sooner or later. But we all know she has it coming so she can SUCK IT!

About us, we are cyber mother and daughter, sometimes conjoined twins who were brought together by our shared love of very, very few things.

We love:

• Jennifer Saunders
• Dawn French
• Adrian Edmondson
• Adrian Edmondson's BUM!
• Fringe
• GORY Horror Movies
• Barbra Streisand Old time, Jewfro wearing, fun-loving Barbra Streisand

Viv also loves:

• Jane Fonda
• Robert Redford
• Old Movies
• Joni Mitchell
• Bob Dylan
• Anything that happened in the 80's or prior.
• A Nice Musical
• Serial killers (not in a sexual way!)
• Rob Zombie (in a VERY sexual way)

Jo also loves:

• Jared Harris
• BLAIR F***ING BROWN!
• Cheesy Pop
• Documentaries
• 80's and 90's
• Science
• Urban Myths
• Being a geek

What we hate:
*see text

• Everyone on the front page of Perez Hilton's blog... most days.

That gives you a general idea of the nature of our posts. But then again, who knows what'll turn up.

Toodles (for now).

Delicious Strawberry Flavoured DEATH!

BAKED BEAN FACE!